In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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