you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
