Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
