My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize