Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Buhtt sex?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize