He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
