Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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