I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
