Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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