Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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