I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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