I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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