brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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