i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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