We're facebook friends in real life
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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