dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
