Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize