Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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