I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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