Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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