Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
