So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
