you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
