Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My balls are so social today.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
