I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
