Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
