I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize