i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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