i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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