well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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