It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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