The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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