If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
