Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
