Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
