didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
