I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
