Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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