What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
