If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We're too hungover to prance.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
