i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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