Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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