and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
