WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
