I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
