I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
