My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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