I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
