This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
