my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
