my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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