Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
