If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
