I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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