Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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