Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
