and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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