all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
