oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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