Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
