just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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