i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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