You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
