AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize