OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
