apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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