I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
