Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
